


Gesundheit

by Idonquixote



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Torture, Crack Pairing, F/M, Green Witch Arc, Hilde is an aggressive interrogator, Lots of awkward tension, Minor Character Death, Rated For Violence, Sebastian has a very high tolerance for pain, Slight Canon Divergence, things get heated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:47:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idonquixote/pseuds/Idonquixote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Major Hilde Dickhaut has the Phantomhive butler in her clutches and she's determined to dismantle the little lord's greatest weapon. She has a vendetta to settle and a job to do. Sebastian discovers that some humans are harder to reckon with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gesundheit

**Author's Note:**

> Complete utter crack pairing. I use the term "pairing" loosely. It's more like two sadists stuck together in a hyper violent setting.

Sebastian laughs, cackling through the blood and grime, the former building up in his abused throat. Never in all his years on this wretched Earth had he imagined himself in such a predicament. It is amusing, beyond surprising, and all too entertaining for him to ignore. The light fixture dangles above him in the metallic room, the smell of steel and blood heavy in the air. His muscles ripple with each cackle, the tailcoat shredded by bullets and blades, whatever remains of his clothing ripped to bloodied tatters and matted with soot.

"Are you done?" the German major hisses, angry eye gleaming in the dark. She stands over him, his limbs bound to the chair by heavy chains, skin smelling of burnt meat. Hilde is worse for wear, a blood-soaked bandage around one eye, golden hair loose and dirty about her shoulders. She kicks him none-too-lightly in the shin. 

Sebastian smiles up. She spits at him.

"I underestimated you," Hilde says in halting English, limping towards the table between them. A variety of trays are strewn across it, filled with tools that are decidedly not cutlery. But Sebastian has no more cutlery left. Another bout of irony. "If not for you, Anne would still be alive."

_Oh, emotion now?_

"But the captain was weaker than I. You will find, Englishman, _I_ am not so easily defeated."

Yes, he can sense the rage within her, a solid block of anger and strength ready to burst. He can't resist a retort. "Your platoon would say otherwise."

Hilde is fast for a human, almost as fast as that Wolfram. Because as soon as Sebastian has finished speaking, there's a needle wedged in his thigh, a spurt of red following its impact, Hilde glaring inches from his face. "Was one beating not enough for you, butler?" she hisses.

"Forgive me." 

She strikes him in the mouth and Sebastian finds himself spitting out a tooth. Hilde cups his chin, other hand coming to pry his mouth open. "Captain Hilbert said you grow them back. Let me see." And with that, the tweezers go in. Sebastian feels the funny sensation of several teeth being plucked out, and the much more natural sensation of the calcium springing back up.

"Hm." Hilde lets him go, returning to her tray of devices. "Care to tell me how this is?"

"I was born this way."

"Like the blond boy?" she says dryly.

"Not quite."

He fidgets with the chains, concluding that they're made from the same material as the panzer, nigh indestructible. At least, for a human...

"You are English?" Hilde demands, striding towards him yet again, sweat on her brow.

"In one regard."

"Then if you wish to avoid more of this," she tells him, casually sticking a knife into his side, "you will tell me what you are. I want details, butler."

Hilde guts him like she would a pig, pulling the blade out and pinning it into his shoulder. The major stoops and sticks her finger into the wound on his abdomen, poking at the soft innards, the blood pooling and gushing about them both. Sebastian can't help grimacing.

"I was created by the Almighty," the demon informs her, "I am a creature from hell. Satan is our leader."

"Is that supposed to be code?" Her hand is wrist-deep inside the wound.

"No. That is all there is to it." And he grins again.

"Damn you!" Another punch from her sends his head cracking the other way. He appreciates that Hilde is volatile yet calculating, a walking bombshell of a woman. She cuts the buttons off his shirt, leaving the chest exposed. Hilde rips apart more of the cotton, the tweezers still in her hand. 

"I don't understand how someone of your build has that strength," Hilde says, more to herself than him, sticking another needle into his shoulder. 

"I _am_ one hell of a butler," Sebastian replies.

To his shock, Hilde pats him (a little too) affectionately on the cheek. "And that is where we differ," the major says, a hint of seduction curling on her battered lips, "you serve one man and I serve a nation. Ha, isn't that why you're here now?"

Hilde grabs what appears to be a narrow wrench and traces the exposed skin. "You gave yourself up so your master and your comrades could escape. Others would call it selfless, nobility. But do you know what I call it?"

The wrench poses over a nipple and Hilde twists. " _Weakness_."

She grunts as she twists, Sebastian groaning along in a fit of pleasure, blood leaking from the damaged nipple. Hilde soon moves to the next one, doing the same, all but yanking it off altogether. Perhaps it's the heightened pain or the venom in her words- it could even be some aftereffect of the metal walls- but he finds her beautiful. Breathtaking, a savage Demeter ready to destroy his Hades. Sebastian watches the sweat that adorns her skin, the determination in her eyes, the absolute unyielding nature in her stubborn form- and he finds himself something to admire.

Hilde slides the knife between his ribs next. "I will skin you alive if I must. Now tell me, who really made you?"

"I've already told you," he says, Hilde making do on her promise and cutting another incision on his bruised chest, "the Creator."

The tip of the knife peels the skin off, the layer leaving slowly, still glued to the flesh with sticky red. "Let's try another way. I gave you one chance, butler. Now all of this could be for nothing."

Hilde sneers. "We'll find your little English boy. And they can witness this firsthand. I think I'll start with that petite redhead."

She swipes the knife back, taking a sizable chunk of skin off the demon's chest. Looking down, Sebastian can see the pink flesh and blood clinging onto his ribs. The knife stops in his shoulder and Hilde's hands hovers over the ribs. Those hands latch onto the bone and snap. 

"This is what I'll do to her head."

Hilde breaks three more with her bare hands, Sebastian watching in awe. The effort, however, leaves Hilde panting for breath. 

"Major," Sebastian says, "have you ever wondered if it was worth it?"

She stares coldly.

"The blood on your hands, a superior that would let you die without a second thought..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Is this all you're worth, major?" the demon asks, cocking his head.

"Say that to my face!" Her hands press onto the wounds on his shoulders, pulling herself towards him, head banging into his. Foreheads sticking together with sweat and blood, she glowers into his crimson eyes.

"Then I suppose it is," Sebastian says. _What a pity_.

He slides his head to the left, just enough to throw her off balance. His lips catch hers, their blood smearing together. For he remembers that a snake was what it took to defeat Eve. Hilde kicks him in the injured torso, stumbling backwards. She yanks him by the hair, throwing herself into his lap, and delivers punch after punch, knife still in her hand and blade pointed down.

She's shaken, that much is obvious. And Sebastian wonders why she stabs everywhere but the heart. Her free hand lets go of his hair and presses into his skull- she forces his mouth over hers once more. _If this is the game you try, then I shall be the winner_ , is what she's saying.

And it's all the distraction he needs. With more effort than he'd care to admit, Sebastian breaks the chains. Hilde is knocked back in the motion, a string of his blood still clinging to her mouth. But she doesn't fall. Her pride will not let her. The major wildly fumbles for the tools on the table, but Sebastian is towering over her by then. Smirking, he twirls her towards him, hands coming to cup her face, his black nails cracked and bloodied. _I really should give you credit, shouldn't I? I haven't felt this damaged in a while._

"Now, what was it you said you were going to do to my petite maid? I don't take kindly to such comments."

"You- let go!"

It's a shame. Hilde could have been so much. But his admiration could only extend so far. She gasps in his grip.

"Gesundheit," he says mockingly, and then he feels her skull against his palms. _If there's still time left over, I might be able to prepare breakfast after all._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this messed up little piece! Feel free to leave kudos/comments.


End file.
